Lessons I’ve Learned in India and Other Curiosities
1. Mosquitos are 5 times as big, sound like a jet engine and travel in mobs.
2. Earplugs help drown out the car horns and barking dogs, but they also keep you from hearing your alarm.
3. Missing a meal is not an option unless you are sick. Or severely jet-lagged.
4. “Do you want coffee?” literally means “Do you want a little dehydrated coffee powder in your warm, sweet milk?”
5. Driving rules are entirely subjective and optional.
6. Obeying Auntie, however, is not.
7. It is possible to buy a big bag full of Indian stuff for $20.
8. The expression “You owned that like a BOSS! Sheeoooot!” does not translate.
9. Children are the same in India as they are in America: they talk over their friends to get your attention, they want you to watch them do tricks, and the best games are the ones you make up with rocks and sticks.
10. If you are 32 and not married, you can easily get 80 kids to be your very own personal husband scout.
11. Dogs are not pets, they are alarm systems.
12. If a 17 year old boy knows how to build a house out of poles and blankets and bits of wire, chances are he also knows how to kill a cobra with his bare hands.
13. Meal times are a main event.
14. And if you let them, they will feed you to death.
15. Be careful the stories you tell to kids: they WILL remember every word 10 months later. 16. If it’s not syrup, it cannot be classified as chai.
17. Nalini and Auntie cook better food than any Indian restaurant I’ve ever been to.
18. There is no such thing as a “spanking”. There is, however, a slap on the back of the head.
19. “Bath” means tepid water and a 3 gallon bucket.
20. Roaches are the size of a small car and have the ability to appear as if from nowhere.
Adventures in English Teaching
Today is the official first day of teaching English. Yesterday I taught only the oldest kids…mostly because they have the hardest English lessons ever. EVER. I really wanted to talk to my cousin Colleen yesterday…she’s an English teacher. I’m certainly not. So that means I’m constantly praying that the Lord will help me remember what in the world a “Gerund” is. The 10th grade book has a level of difficulty that would be challenging to American kids. But it’s written in such a way as to make it more complicated than need be. Really? I think whoever wrote the stupid thing just wanted to impress people with what they know…there seems to be no ambition to make the English language understandable or useful. Jerks.
So that’s my job! I get to explain modal auxiliaries, gerunds, prepositions, adverbs, nouns, adjectives, and verbs. To kids with limited English ability. And I have limited Marathi. The good news is, they are so, SO smart! They pick it up quick and are able to apply what they learn. The place where they struggle the most is with comprehension. Their books throw so many big vocabulary words at them that they can’t understand the gist of what is written. Then I turn into their walking dictionary. Along with being super smart, they are also good teachers; always eager and patient with each other and with me. I’m picking up a lot of Marathi this time around. I thought it’d be slow, but I’m continually surprised at the fact that someone will rattle off some phrase and I’ll know what they’re saying! Woohoooooo!!!! Fluency, here I come!
The rest of my classes are the 4th thru 9th grades. My mom and Lu teach English to the little kids (Kindergarten thru 3rd), Doug teaches math, and Mike and Bill work on reading and comprehension. We have such an awesome team.
Little Buddies , Jet Lag, and Demon Spawn of Satan
San Francisco to Frankfur, 10.5 hours. Frankfurt to Mumbai, 7 hours. Mumbai to Nagpur, 1.5 hours. Nagpur to Lasina, 4 hours. Thirty-two hours and 12 time zones later, we arrived at our Indian home. International travel is a bear when you’ve been waiting for 10 months to see someone. Or “someones” in this case. The first leg of the trip feels like watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve or waking up too early on Christmas morning…time goes excruciatingly slow and you have no other choice but to wait. The last flight feels like the last part of a triathlon…you’ve already lived through the first two events, the last one is no thang. Once we’re in the cars and on the road, we get so distracted by the sights, smells, chai stops, roadside snacks, and random people waving that we barely notice the 4 hour car ride.
My favorite part of all the travel was the last 10 feet. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I jumped out of the car and ran to the gate. As I pushed my way in, my favorite little buddies in the WHOLE world ran to meet me. Big hugs, smiles, kisses…I couldn’t greet them fast enough! We spent the rest of the afternoon meeting all the new kids, playing cricket, eating bhaji, and getting our hair did. Yes, the young girls insisted on braiding and decorating our hair with flowers. I’m pretty sure they pulled out more of our hair than we would’ve liked, but it’s almost therapeutic being surrounded by little kids and listening to their chatter.
I tried a new trick this time to try and ward off any jet lag…per my sister, I was supposed to stop eating 16 hours before I wanted to wake up the next day. That meant that 3pm was the last bite I would take before 7am the next morning. That “fast” if you will, is tricky when it comes to Indian culture. Their hospitality includes a LOT of food and if you don’t eat that means you must be sick. The only way around it is to say you’re tired and going to bed. So I did I took a Benadryl and was out for the better part of 12 hours. And NO jet lag! A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
The only bad part of having to go to bed early (besides missing out on dinner) was having to deal with the unearthly amounts of Demon Spawn of Satan in my room. Mosquitos. I’ve never seen them so big or so numerous. In the room I killed at least 9. When I opened the door to the bathroom there was such a cloud of evil I decided to wait until morning for a bucket bath. Unfortunately, they didn’t die overnight. Mommy (Nalini) supplied me with some bug spray and I’m happy to report it was nothing short of miraculous. I sprayed the bathroom, shut the door, and VOILA! Five minutes later all of the offending critters were laying in a glorious pile of carnage on the tile floor. As it stands, the count in the bathroom was 34 dead…that’s after my mom and I took turns taking a shower. And yes, I’m keeping count. That’s the only way to be if you want to win.
Soli Deo Gloria 